What Do You Want?

At first glance this question seems very basic and obvious, but as I began to sit with myself and ponder what the answer was for me, it wasn't as simple as it first appeared.

I found that there were some major areas of my life that I began to 'assign' answers to 'What do I want?'

After I felt that I had covered what was important to me, I began to journal through it a bit...

I would write, "What do I want?" then give my answer.  Then I asked myself the even tougher question, "Do my actions in this area line up with what I want?"

Ok, so this was the REALLY tough part of this for me.  My actions...  Do they point to what I want?  You would think that they naturally would.  Don't we naturally work toward what we want?  Wouldn't our actions reveal what we were striving for?

Well, for me some of my actions seemed to be genuinely in order, but some were disturbingly NOT.  I must admit, I was surprised by some of what my honesty revealed about my actions not being in line with my desires.  How does this happen?

For example, one of my answers to 'What do I want?' was 'I want to be a source of positive energy and encouragement - to bring joy into any place that I enter.'

I do not believe that this is true about me.  Maybe true sometimes, but not even the majority of the time.  Even though I desire to have this vitality about me, I can often get wrapped up in the difficulties of life and get bogged down in it.  This affects my 'positive energy' output.  In reality, there are many times when I walk into a room seeking to be positively affected by the others there instead of exuding that positivity myself.  This of course do not at all line up with 'What do I want?'

Obviously, I understand the balance in the above - you can't always be 'bubbling over with joy' but I do want to be known for my positive attitude and encouraging presence.  Hmmm....  Something needs to be addressed in my life.

There were other 'eye openers' as I walked through this exercise.  I do believe it was helpful.  I do believe that as I open up my mind and soul to these searchings, I will understand myself better and understand what needs to be addressed and changed to truly be living in the life I genuinely desire for myself.

I am amazed over and over again at myself and the discrepancies I find between my heart and my hands.  It is a humbling reality, one that I plan to continue to seek to reveal and change.

Walking through asking and answering these questions can be a very beneficial endeavor for anyone seeking to grow.