Change

Change seems to generate a mixed bag of feelings.  Feelings that often times are contradictory.

Excitement of something new and maybe better mixed with fear of the unknown of what the change will bring.

Well, change is in the winds in my life.  I've chosen to settle with the belief that this change will be positive and healthy.  No doubt, it will have it's challenges and will prove difficult in the midst, but I have committed myself to staying on the upbeat side of these changes.

There are many unknowns ahead.  What should I do about those?  It is easy to let the worries of the world grab on and pull me down into worry.  I guess that whatever comes, I'll just deal with it as it comes.  I guess that whatever doors open or shut, I'll face it when/if it happens.  No sense in worrying or fretting over things that only MIGHT happen.

So baby steps forward.  As I find myself face to face with a choice, I'll make the best one I can in that moment.

There is much to do.  I guess I will do.  Looking ahead with victory in my hand and peace resting on my head.  Believing that what is next is forward motion.

Change!  Hmmmm...

Count Your Blessings Thursday - Friends

Being comfortable even when you're uncomfortable.

Laughing together.

Funny stories.

Talking or not talking, just because you feel like it or don't - and it's ok.

Comforting one another.

Listening.

Caring.

Walking together.

Living life together.

Sharing.

Saying something stupid and not worrying.

Listening to something stupid and still loving.

Content.

Friends.

The Trees

I"m still downloading from my little retreat last weekend.  One aspect of nature/creation that has, over the course of my life, spoke to me have been trees.  If I went on about this, you may likely consider me a bit crazy - oh yeah, that's right, I am.

During my walk about, I was affected by the trees.  MH (my hubby) chides me about the trees, saying that I have some odd connection with trees - I don't know what it is about trees?  It seems like they have things to tell me.  They SHARE with me.  There were 3 distinct things that they touched me with:

1.  The Pine trees teaching me about friends and living together.

2.  The old dead and dying beautiful trees, oddly shaped, oddly colored, brittle yet BEAUTIFUL.

3.  The old cherry tree (I think it was a cherry tree).  Now that tree was 'something'.  It sat tangled up with some brambles by a little stream.  It shared an encouragement to me.  I cried at that tree - I'm crying now but I can't even communicate in words what it was, how it 'spoke' to me.  But I left with hope.

And then, the book.  I had no intention of picking up any books - I was listening.  It was getting to be late in the afternoon and I knew my time was almost over.  I was sitting, looking out over the view behind the house, trying to listen.  I believe that I was specifically diverted away from my contemplation and drawn to the bookshelf and a particular book - I didn't even see the name of the book but knew that's where I was drawn.  I got up and slid the book from the shelf.  The title was the name of a TREE.  How funny, gloriously funny.  I've since read the book, but that's another post.

I wonder about the marvelous creation and the ways in which God uses it to speak to us.  I wonder at how much we likely MISS because we aren't being sensitive to the moving of the Holy Spirit in this.  Maybe I'm crazy, yes, we've already established that haven't we, but give it a try.

Count Your Blessings Thursday - The Triplet

In an effort to better keep my attitude positive and joyful I've decided to give myself some specific blessings to watch for each week.

This past week I was keeping an 'eye' out for three things:

A blessing that made me laugh
A blessing that made me pray
A blessing that made me quiet

There were many blessings that fulfilled these things over the week.  I'll share one for each:

A blessing that made me laugh -

The little boyz of course, the funny things they say.

A blessing that made me pray -

The death of a family member, one who lived in my neighborhood, one whose marriage was lived before me for many years (they were married for 62 years).  This man and his wife were a beautiful picture of a healthy marriage, a beautiful picture and example to me.  Obviously, the death was not the blessing, but the reminder of their lives and the impact that they had on me and many others is the blessing.

A blessing that made me quiet -

The pines.  God spoke to me through the pines.  It was amazing and beautiful beyond words, my only response was quiet.

For this week, I'll be looking for blessings via friends.

Running with the Goats

This past weekend I spent a day at a beautiful little farm.  It was quiet - oh, so quiet.  I  went on a wonderful walk out in the woods and was amazed over and over again at God's Spirit speaking to me in it all.  Speaking in a way that I can't form into words - not because I don't have the words to describe but because it seems as though He spoke to me without 'words'.  I know that doesn't make much sense and I don't understand it either.

I went for this day of quiet, a little retreat, to listen, hoping to hear from God.  It was an experience like no other.  Odd and simple.  Quiet and quiet.

Usually on a retreat, I fill up several pages of thoughts and notes ands things that I feel like God is revealing to me.  I did scribble a few things, a couple of lines on one page before my walk.  I even slipped a little tiny pocket-size notebook into my pocket before leaving on my walk.  I lost it somewhere in the woods - amongst the brambles I'm sure!!!

Perhaps I wasn't supposed to take notes.  Maybe it was about more than words.  I still am feeling like the full effect has not settled into me, like most of it is still hovering around me like an 'aura'.

The farm... the people there... - it was so precious, such a blessing.  The walk... the trees... and running with the goats.

I had seen the owner run with the goats once.  She would run and they would follow and it was something silly and fulfilling and meaningful in some weird way.  After my walk, I entered into the barn, not really thinking at all about anything.  I just wanted to interact with something living and moving, so I walked in the barn - or better 'skinnied' in the door so that no creature would escape.  I talked to them for a few minutes and they seemed to be all questions, "Who are you, and what are you doing in here?"  "Are you a friend or foe?"  "Do I like you or not?"

Maybe it was that last question, maybe I wanted to show them that I was likable and fun... so I walked out into the pasture talking excitedly, encouraging them to follow; enticing them that I was about to lead them into something that would make their day brighter.

"Come on, here we go, let's RUN."  And sure enough they followed me.  We ran the 'loop' several times - a few of those goats cheating in excess by the end.  A couple loyal followers though raced it all with me.  And as we came back down to the barn each time, one crazy goat would rise up on hind legs like he was a black stallion.  I couldn't help it, but had to let out a whoop every time he did that.

Yep, running with the goats was a simple, weird, fulfilling, crazy, pleasurable thing I did.  I bet I'll do it again if I get the chance sometime, so if you see a loony lady running around with goats, it may be me (or the owner of that farm, she's probably a little loony too).

What do You Own in the End?

"Most people like to own things - land, luggage... it makes them feel secure.  But all that can be taken away.  In the end the only thing you really own in your STORY."  The Drover.

Our 'story'.   Yes, in the end that is all that we own.

Life - real life - is not measured by what we amass but on the STORY that we live.

In my experience, it is easy to become entangled in the deceptive singsong of the advertising that bombards us by the moment as we walk our days.  In the course of the normal day, most of us are arrested repeatedly by marketing; radio ads, tv ads, signs/billboards...  All of which are hoping to convince us that we NEED to purchase something.

Something beautiful to make our home lovely.  Some service to make us lovely.  Some activity to teach our children 'skills' or make them smarter, happier, healthier...  Something to make our life easier or more comfortable.  On and on and on and it becomes very difficult not to be affected by this onslaught - at times I believe that we become unconsciously aware of the affect they are having on us.

Consider what life would be like if we had a day or a few days or weeks where there was no outside advertising involved in our life.  When I think about what that would be like, I think quiet... less stress...  I think that my brain could actually think it's own thoughts.  Perhaps I could actually have ears to hear things that really matter.

I wonder if these 'distractions' have impact beyond what we are even aware on our living our STORY.

When we are busy seeking the benefit of things in our lives, that pursuit of happiness often backfires, luring us to use people and love things.  This is oh so sad yet oh so easy and I believe that most of us could agree that it has happened to us at times.  We get sidetracked - led down a rabbit trail of life.

In the end, all we really own is our STORY.

What Do You Want?

At first glance this question seems very basic and obvious, but as I began to sit with myself and ponder what the answer was for me, it wasn't as simple as it first appeared.

I found that there were some major areas of my life that I began to 'assign' answers to 'What do I want?'

After I felt that I had covered what was important to me, I began to journal through it a bit...

I would write, "What do I want?" then give my answer.  Then I asked myself the even tougher question, "Do my actions in this area line up with what I want?"

Ok, so this was the REALLY tough part of this for me.  My actions...  Do they point to what I want?  You would think that they naturally would.  Don't we naturally work toward what we want?  Wouldn't our actions reveal what we were striving for?

Well, for me some of my actions seemed to be genuinely in order, but some were disturbingly NOT.  I must admit, I was surprised by some of what my honesty revealed about my actions not being in line with my desires.  How does this happen?

For example, one of my answers to 'What do I want?' was 'I want to be a source of positive energy and encouragement - to bring joy into any place that I enter.'

I do not believe that this is true about me.  Maybe true sometimes, but not even the majority of the time.  Even though I desire to have this vitality about me, I can often get wrapped up in the difficulties of life and get bogged down in it.  This affects my 'positive energy' output.  In reality, there are many times when I walk into a room seeking to be positively affected by the others there instead of exuding that positivity myself.  This of course do not at all line up with 'What do I want?'

Obviously, I understand the balance in the above - you can't always be 'bubbling over with joy' but I do want to be known for my positive attitude and encouraging presence.  Hmmm....  Something needs to be addressed in my life.

There were other 'eye openers' as I walked through this exercise.  I do believe it was helpful.  I do believe that as I open up my mind and soul to these searchings, I will understand myself better and understand what needs to be addressed and changed to truly be living in the life I genuinely desire for myself.

I am amazed over and over again at myself and the discrepancies I find between my heart and my hands.  It is a humbling reality, one that I plan to continue to seek to reveal and change.

Walking through asking and answering these questions can be a very beneficial endeavor for anyone seeking to grow.