How to Have Kids that Behave...

How do you Swipe 90% of Parenting Problems off the Top÷

There is no greater challenge than to raise children to be positive, productive and successful members of a community.  It is a 24/7 ‘job that takes an immense amount of patience, an unending supply of unconditional love and loads of time.  

There are many philosophies regarding rearing and training children.   Without going into the debate over which is best, let’s consider something that will benefit all:  first time obedience.  It sounds simple, yet if you are a parent you know otherwise.  But, think about it...if your child did what you asked him to when you asked him to, it would make life enjoyable for all.

Whatever method of training you decide fits for your family, employ it faithfully and consistently to teach your children to respond to your requests right away with a positive attitude.  No kidding, it will swipe away many of your parenting troubles.  

It is vital to remember that this training is a process and will take much effort on the part of both parents.  Parenting is never a completed task and your training will need to be retrained and reenforced many times over and throughout your child’s growing years, and perhaps beyond.

Do not lose sight of the importance of relationship building with your child.  While it is necessary to teach obedience, it is most essential to cultivate a positive and loving relationship with your child.  These two things go hand in hand when motivated by a caring, tender heart committed to faithfully train a child out of love for that child.

Give it a shot.  First time obedience.  

True Community

Even though I do not know exactly who I am... I’ve lost myself along the way, I do know who I want to be:  His.  In some ways this is true now, but in others ways I journey on.

Abiding in Him as He is in God and God in Him, He in me...  This is what I long for and only see in part.  To surrender all that I know and think about myself and go bare and naked before God with the want and desire to soak up the truth from Him of who I am in Him.  And to become the outpouring of His plans for me.

There is a giving up of myself in this, yet in the giving I know a rebirth of life and truth will emerge.  Fresh, tender and growing.  Real, valid and a genuine ‘fit’ for me.  It only seems like a ‘giving up’.

Perhaps this is what someone would call a mid-life crisis.  I think that maybe it is more an unveiling of truth; a taking off of the blinders.  This life seems to be full of blindfolds.  A putting on of distractions and life living that creates in us blindness.  We grow dull in our ability to perceive truth and find ourselves drifting in and out of other people’s boxes of who we are supposed to be.  A matrix of sorts.

The pain of life seems so tangible and real, yet I wonder if it is because we are too full of ourselves.  The seeking for some type of personal fulfillment.  Perhaps this fulfillment of the personal type is the great deception.  Temporal vs. eternal.  Exchanging the unseen for the seen - or even the exchanging the personal for the spiritual.  The communal living with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

In that communal living, the abiding with Him, a spiritual co-existence, we would be able to find true fulfillment, not of the personal kind but of the eternal kind - the spiritual dimension kind.  Other worldly.  In His world, being fully who He intended for me to be as a part of Him.  

I am lost without this.  Lost.  Empty.  

Simple steps to go 'green'

It is easy to get caught in the easy trends when it comes to lifestyle.  Let me just share a few VERY EASY changes that you could make to your lifestyle that would be moving you toward a more eco-friendly resident of the earth.

1.  Get a few old, no longer used t-shirts from the back of your drawers.  Cut them up into pieces about 1 ft. by 1 ft. in size.  Store them in a very accessible spot in your kitchen (maybe in a container on the counter or a drawer...)  Use these in place of paper towels.

2.  On nice days, hang your clothes on the line to dry instead of using the dryer.  There is an amazing, beautiful, enjoyable rhythm that you will find in this simple chore.

3.  When you are done showering, take a moment to wipe down everything.  This will save you from having to use toxic bathroom cleaner.

4.  Carry a travel mug with you at all times for coffee or hot drinks that you may purchase instead of using a foam or paper cup.  Also, get in the habit of filling your re-usable water bottle and carrying it with you so that you don't have to purchase plastic throw away water bottles.

5.  Whenever you can, use containers (preferably glass) with lids to store your leftovers.  It will become rare for you to need either saran wrap or aluminum foil.

6. RECYCLE as much as you can, of course.

That's enough to get started for now.

Contemplation: A Thing of the Past?

It seems to me that as a current culture, perhaps we are losing the art of contemplation.  The average person spends time 'surfing' websites, microwaving meals,  driving through the drive thrus for all kinds of things from coffee to money at the ATM.  We have a constant access to many options of entertainment.  We get into our cars and drive here and there and back again and then have to go out again.  Go, go, go.

I wonder if it has become challenging for us to stop and actually contemplate.

Contemplate:  to look at or view with continued attention, to consider thoroughly, think fully or deeply about.


Most of us are too busy for that.  There doesn't seem to be enough time in our days for this type of endeavor.  Why?

Perhaps this is a question that we need to contemplate.

Perhaps we need to examine ourselves in order to find out where our mind goes as we walk through our days.  What do our thoughts revolve around?

Are we going to find as our children grow up devoid of this type of brainfood, that it creates imbalance and problems?

I don't know the answers, but I do have feelings that lean toward the importance of balance in our mind's activities.  Balance in our attention.  Balance in a lifestyle that creates an environment that cultivates health and vitality and productivity.  And I guess I believe that we, as a culture, are out of balance in this area.

Hmmm?  Think about it.

Awareness

At times MH will ask me at the end of the day, "What did you do today?"  Well, any stay at home mom dreads this question.  It seems like as I look back over the day, there is a string of monotonous, mundane tasks and activities - if you were going to have to speak it.

How do you speak what you've done/experienced during the day?

I listened to the birds in the wee hours of the morning as I sat still with the Lord.   I was in awe of how late little boys can sleep in... and found little laughs in the shouts of horror one of them yelled as the others tried to arouse him.   I made smoothies and noodles and salads and cracked eggs with a 6 year old and instructed him in the art of cracking and beating.

I listened to countless little boy antics - some fun and some mischievous and some that needed instruction.  I picked up a cat from the vet who had a half-inch pokey stick in her eye and listened to her meow impatiently and loudly all the way home.  I watched with a smile daughter #1 get ready for work and struggle with what shoes to wear that would both look nice and FEEL comfortable enough to be on her feet in.

I cleaned and cleaned and did laundry and re-cleaned and the floor is a mess.  I read beautiful blog posts from daughter #1 listening with my heart to her lovely thoughts.  I experienced the rhythms of work and nature as I hung clothes on the line and felt the sun and breeze, feeling happy in the gifts of them all.

I made plans for supper and sent son #1 out for errands.  I hulled decomposing leafs, full of worms, and spread them over the empty flower bed.  I noticed that the wheelbarrow needed air in the tire as I hulled those leaves around.

I felt a new compassion for the poor cat that followed us home from our walk last week and hasn't left.  I have not let anyone feed him or give him any reason to stay.  We've made many attempts at sending him on his way - all to no avail.  So, today I had daughter #2 post him on craigslist and vowed to feed and care for him until we can find him a home - although I'm still committed to NOT letting him in the house.

I noticed the not-too-cold/not-too-hot temperature of this beautiful day and was full of thankfulness to God for His handiwork and beautiful gifts.

I found inspiration in a book, in a word, on the internet, in watching the kids, in feeling the presence of faith in my heart, in meaningful conversation.

I thought fondly of the legacy that I have in my heritage (namely my grandmothers and mom) as I worked at 'recycling' my favorite quilt from Grandma, thinking of the joy that I will have in having this quilt re-worked into something that will be around me and help me to always remember that beautiful legacy.

It is easy to get caught up in the days and lose sight, lose awareness of the absolute beauty in the moments.  It is easy to just reply to that dreaded question, "The same ole same ole."  But it's never the same ole - it's just so difficult to speak into words.

Sitting Still

I have spent some time seeking to learn more about the practice of being still and quiet and listening; this type of meditation that leads me into a 'resting' of my thoughts so that I can have room for God to speak to me.  It seems that different people have different words to define what I'm talking about; some call it meditation, some listening prayer, some contemplation, some christian zen...

I don't care to get into any type of debate about it or what it's called, I just simply desire to grow in my level of closeness to God and have therefore in my endeavoring toward Him have learned something about this type of meditation.  I am going to call it 'sitting still.'

Over the past monthish I have been getting up early (well, earlier than anyone else around here) and sitting still with the Lord.  Getting up early has never been one of my strong points, but I have not had much difficulty in getting out of bed since I started meditating.  I'm a little amazed at the ease really, and am thankful.  I have to admit that I am using a little of Steve Pavlina's helpful hints regarding training yourself to get up early (you could check out his blog at http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/).

I sort of have a routine now:

The alarm goes off - I turn it off and stretch...then sit up and put my feet on the floor.  I always do this the same and try to never 'think'... just do it.  This tactic has been very helpful in 'training' my body to respond to the alarm and get up.

I make my way to the kitchen and pour myself a glass of Kefir Tea, get Pandora up on the computer and set the station to 'Calm Meditation'.

I do run downstairs first thing and get up a child that has a hard time making it through the night dry and lead him into an early morning bathroom stop - he returns to bed in a stupor and I head upstairs for meditation.  This is irrelevant, but true to my morning routine.

I head out to my livingroom and grab my zafu (which is a round little cushion that I made for meditation - it helps me to sit lotus style a little more comfortably).

I begin by closing my eyes and taking some deep breaths and putting my mind and body in a state of 'rest' so that it is free to hear and interact with God.  This is a tough thing to do - my mind seems to want to think in overdrive all of the time and to simply NOT think is a great challenge in itself.  It is also difficult to 'forget' about your body and the urges to shift or be distracted by discomfort.  Distractions!  That's what I'm trying to overcome...

This is a simple beginning of this type of seeking to 'abide with Him' and I have found it be very enjoyable and I am hopeful for what God has for me in it all.

Finishing Feels Good

Being a mother with a bunch of kids and a housefull of re-occurring tasks, feeling like I've accomplished something has been challenging at times.

It has been nice over the years to have 'projects' of various sorts that have beginnings and ends - something FINISHED, something accomplished.

It is difficult to feel this in my regular routine.  The dishes are never done, there is always more laundry, another floor to clean, another window to wash, another meal to fix, boo-boo to put a band-aid on, nose to wipe, lesson to teach, errand to run....  At times it can feel rather suffocating-like because it seems like there is no forward movement, just perpetual tasks that are never finished.

Although there is much fruit to be seen over the years with our children, it is sometimes lost in the moments.  Meaning that it is challenging to see growth in the lives on my children on a daily basis.

Therefore, the majority of what I invest my time, effort and heart into does not provide a sense of accomplishment (at least in the moment).  Obviously, there are beautiful scenes in the midst of this kind of living that make it all worth while.  And even though it can feel like there is not accomplishment - THERE IS.

Hence, the little projects completed provide me with a nice boost of morale because I've completed something.  A job DONE.  A FINISHED product.  Something I can look at and say, "It's finally completed, you don't have to work on that again."

Today was such a day.  I finished 2 projects today and it feels nice.