She was

As I rushed here and there grabbing this and that and stuffing them where they needed to go.  I knew I had only moments to finish this task that needed to be done.  It was difficult to think beyond the simple details of what needed to go and what should stay.  It was consuming really and for an instant I saw just how crazy it was; the little things of life shadowing out the important things of life... but I couldn't actually stop to think about it because the time was ticking away.

With one last frantic glace at the clock, I closed the suitcase and headed to the door.  My flight would be leaving in just 2 hours and I knew that security would create a zoo, so off I sped.

Thankfully, the airport was only a short drive away and my faculties were now addressing the weaving traffic.  It was consuming really, this driving in traffic and for an instant I saw just how crazy it was being on the roller coaster ride of the interstate...but I couldn't actually stop to think about it because if I didn't give the road my attention, I wouldn't make it to the airport in one piece.

With a sigh of relief I turned into the airport parking lot.  Jumping out, making a quick assessment that I had emptied out the necessary items that I needed to take with me, I locked the car and briskly headed for the airport entrance.  My mind was filled with thoughts of what was next and working through the logic of becoming prepared.  It was consuming really this being prepared for the next thing and for an instant I saw how crazy it was being busy planning all the time...but I couldn't stop to think about it because the next thing was upon me already.

I made my way through the door towing the burdens in my luggage and supporting the ones on my mind.  I took in the panorama of the busy lines at the check-in and my mind seemed to be alerted to something 'wrong'.  What was it?  I had no idea consciously.  But something was tugging at me, signalling a red flag.  I instinctively began to slow all of my processes down in an attempt to figure out what was amiss.  Then I saw her, curled up in a corner.  She was wearing a ragged red coat.  She was obviously crying and I peered around to see if anyone was caring for her; I did not see anyone taking any notice of her.

For a moment I waged a war with myself trying to argue for and against becoming side-tracked.  The responsibilities I had should be kept; there were others counting on me...  Suddenly, like the zooming in of a camera, I was zooming in on me, untangling the rambling of life with the importance of living.  I saw something ugly in that rambling of life, something that was consuming me AWAY from the importance of living.
I let go of my burdens, took a moment to stop and think and walked to that corner where she was.

The Journey

I was driving the other day and saw a bumper sticker (I know, not another bumper sticker post!). 

It read:

"I had a life... My job ate it"

I thought this funny and sadly a little true in many lives.  Then I began thinking on it a bit. 

It seems like there are many who 'live for the weekend' - TGIF right?  Trudging through the working hours just to get to the 'happy' hours.  Sacrificing at the job to bring home a pay check, put food on the table, do a few fun things (maybe if  you're lucky).  The fulfillment of life turns into what we can get out of the 'off' hours.

Perhaps this whole cultural attitude and lifestyle needs some introspection! 

Do we simply work for the benefits (the end - the $) and not for the benefit of the work itself?

What does this say about us?

If we find little to no pleasure, purpose, fulfillment in our work, could something be amiss?

Is it possible to love your work?

How can we engage in something that provides for us and that we love?

Would this change our cultural TGIFing?

Perhaps we should consider what the JOURNEY of life is all about.  Is it only those hours when you're not on the job?  I wonder if we're missing out by not taking each aspect of our life journey as a vital part in our joy.

Think about it.  What if our job brought us joy and freedom to express who God wants us to be?  To love and care for those in our midst?  What if instead of our jobs hindering our pleasure, we sought to see it and MAKE it pleasure?

Our work should be like a springboard not quicksand.  It should be a part of our journey that we seize and make the most of to generate productivity toward our life purpose and fulfillment... a true outlet for serving where we are meant to in being a healthy part of community; a place and time to live His love among those around us.

Hmmm...

Hair-Brained Ideas

I'm not sure where this term came from, but I sure know all about it's meaning.

I would consider myself a 'queen' of hair-brained ideas.  I've gotten myself into all kinds mischief with my 'cockamamee' plans.  I don't know how it all started for me - when I was just a kid for sure.  I recall many  light-bulb moments when the flash of an idea popped into my brain.  Unfortunately (or fortunately, however you look at it) I usually found my 'ideas' sensational and acted upon many of them! 

Things like turning the old chicken coop at Grandma's into a playhouse!

Shooting bottles that we found with b-b guns - on someone else's property!

Jumping off the roof of the barn into the snowbank!

Making a fort 3 whole fields away from the house instead of in the first group of woods!

Trapping muskrats in Grandpa's pond for money!

Riding a skateboard down the huge hill not far from my house!

The painted bedroom walls that I let all my friends design and paint their names on and then painted a full wall clown face on one as well (that was still there when my parents sold the house - poor people).

At least 1/4 of the things I cook.  And certainly 1/2 of my dessert ideas.

Most of my 'decorating' ideas - these mostly are worse because I have questionable decorating sense to begin with, so my hair-brained ideas usually turn out extra questionable - like the swinging chair that swallowed people up and ruined the ceiling!

My wedding dress, turned into a summer dress for daughter #3, oh yeah, still working on that because I've lost patience with it for now.

Oh, did I mention the decorating ideas???  The huge quilt (and I mean HUGE) that I made for our king size bed with leaves of varied sizes, shapes and colors appliqued on the top with shiny GOLD thread!!!  I was just recently musing about how I could re-model that to a usable state.

Christmas present ideas!  Oh yeah, I could spill the beans on some of those! 

On and on and on...

And MH is usually so patient with these.  He usually gives me a look (which should alert me to my hair-brained idea issues - but doesn't).

Now, I have one daughter in particular that seems to have some hair-brained idea DNA as well.  She planned and constructed a Tepee (yes of the native american style) last year.  Not just any ole Tepee, but one of sizable proportions (about 20 ft. diameter and that tall as well).  And now, she's planning on constructing a sweat lodge (again, of the native american style).

I say, "GO FOR IT." 

Hair-brained ideas are exciting, fun, adventuresome, risky, daring, fulfilling (sometimes), educational (sometimes), memorable, memorable, memorable.... and you learn so much from them!

I guess that's the crazy in me.

"My Religion is Loving Kindness"

I was running out to the car in the rain and I caught sight of a bumper sticker.  I didn't stop to really look at it (cuz of the rain) but I caught the words, "MY RELIGION IS LOVING KINDNESS"

I've thought a lot about that since then. 

Now, I'm not encouraging the throwing out of all doctrine, etc. but the bumper sticker has a point!  Loving kindness is VITAL.  There is much 'debatable' doctrine and many things that separate and cause division that has nothing to do with loving kindness and much to do about not having loving kindness.

"If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 

If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.

And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing."

-1 Corinthians 13:1-3

Ok, if you really read this and believe it, doesn't this say that love is supreme?  Even overtops some very amazing other things?

So, at the end of the day I want to look back and ask, "Did I love today?"  And if that answer is yes, then I will consider my day a success.

 

Legacy

When I first thought of the importance of legacy, I sort of dismissed it as pompous.  But the more that I think about it, the more important that I consider it.

Considering the impact of my existence, legacy is the key!  If I live and die and do great things, but leave none of who I am invested in others... then really, what have I accomplished? 

Some people seem to leave their 'legacy' mark on large numbers of people (ie Billy Graham or George Washington or CS Lewis or Jane Austin or Isaac Newton...) Others seem to leave their life contributions on a small intimate group; close friends, family, children...

I'd like to think that I somehow could impact anyone who I encounter (some people do), but I don't believe that He has equipped me in this way.  So, for me I need to concentrate on investing me into those who I am in intimate relationships with.

I am who I am because of who God has made me and how I have been shaped by those who I have lived life with (which I would also put in the 'who God has made me' category).  I am my own person, but I do feel like a mixed drink - meaning if my mom were a red drink, I'd have a significant portion of that poured into my glass and if my dad were blue, I'd be tinted in that shade.  And I would have differing amounts of liquids poured into my cup by different people that have shared/impacted my life.

There is an amazing feeling of strength and hope that I feel as I consider those who have become part of who I am.  Those whose kind words soothed my soul and molded me.  Whose loving touch secured me.  Whose encouraging challenge thrust me forward.  Whose enduring patience continues to awaken perseverance in me even as I remember.  Whose wild laughter sparked hope.  Whose smile generated peace.  Strength upon strength comes to me as a result of those before me.

There is something precious in this; precious and powerful!

I can remember feeling so sad when my grandmother died, sad for my kids that they would never get to benefit from her loving kindness.  She was such a beautiful, loving person who left her mark on all who she touched.  As I was lamenting for my children, I felt the Lord speak into my ear, "They will not miss out because you have in you part of her and can be to your children what she was to you."

That's legacy.

Part of my life purpose is to live, engage, and invest in my children my legacy.  Right now it is a HUGE part of my life purpose because of what season I am in.  I want to give parts of myself to them to build and strengthen them and provide generational 'roots.'  Roots that are pillars of the encompassing positive attributes of all who have been poured into me.

I know that when you pour colored liquids together, they typically mix into some murky grey or brown.  I like to think of my 'life glass' of mixed legacies as a beautiful, multi-colored, brilliant, crazy, fantastic, varied, bold 'drink' that did not become dull and murky but somehow maintained each separate color while becoming one.

Yes, I am seeking.  Seeking to leave a legacy.

As I consider who I am and the failings that I possess, this task is daunting and I can easily give way to condemnation, yet I cling to the secure hope that He will not fail.

We are Seekers

Hmmmm?  Is this true?  Is this part of our nature?

Am I seeking?  What am I seeking?

Careful here, cuz your answer could be revealing (I'm talking to myself here).  Do you really want to know?

Ok, start making your silly lists.

What am I seeking:
Meaning/Purpose - which in turn gives an avenue toward fulfillment
Legacy
Value
Joy
Relationship (with God and with man)
Peace
Enlightenment

Ok, considering this list, I think that really I could begin with RELATIONSHIP and everything else would fall under that one category:

Relationship (with God and with man)
 - Meaning/Purpose
 - Legacy
 - Value
 - Joy
 - Peace
 - Enlightenment

What about me, just as me, an individual? etc... Well, I find my identity wrapped up spiritually with who I am in God, so 'just me' would fall under my relationship with God.

That's my list... I guess the next questions should be, 'Am I seeking these things?'  'How so?

Skinny Dipping?

The other day I was sitting at a coffee shop with two of my daughters.  My mind had been thinking about something, as sometimes is the case, and I wanted to get some outside thoughts... Now, sometimes I have to admit I think about strange stuff.  But, hey, if the kids don't know by now....

So, I let the 'weird' question fly, "Hey, would you guys ever go skinny dipping?"

My line of thinking was not all about skinny dipping, but rather about our inhibitions and what creates them and how they affect our decisions and our thoughts about ourselves...

I got the inevitable, 'mom you are crazy' look from them.  They must be on pins and needles half the time wondering what odd thing I'll say next (unfortunately, this is not an isolated event).  Maybe my brain has been injured and these 'hair-brained' thoughts are a result; I don't know...

Anyway, after the blank stare for a moment, I pried, "Well?"

"Nope, never - I don't even dress in front of anybody." 

A nod of agreement from daughter #2.

There is a temptation to think thoughts like, 'How wonderfully modest they are...' but I found myself asking, "Why are they so self-conscious?"  Like even in an appropriate setting (if there is such a thing - I guess I think that there could be) - why are they so adamant about not stripping off the outer shell? 

I'm partially trying to explain why I was asking such a question when daughter #1 pipes up and asks, "Mom, are you going through an identity crisis?"

Can't get anything past them!

"Well, maybe" I say.

I have been thinking about how much of what we do is a reflection of what others think... and if I was in the company of a small group of women, would I feel comfortable enough with who I am on the inside to strip off the outside?  Hmmm?  I know - weird.  I know that the whole nude/sexual/sensuous thing is a big NO NO for many conservative thinkers, but in this context I'm just considering (without there being any inappropriate acting or thinking in that realm) What would I do?  And, more importantly, WHY?

If I am secure with who I am, why would I care if someone saw me without clothes?  Again, let's try to keep this hypothetical questioning in the 'all things appropriate' mode.

Isn't my biggest concern, 'what will others think of my breaking down, bare, no way to cover it up, body?'  My, no way to hide flaws?

Would I struggle with comparing and feeling ashamed and embarrassed over what's true about my outside or would I enjoy the inside of others as well as my own? 

If the outside were no longer an issue, would we be able to focus better on the inside?

I am confident that this hypothetical situation probably doesn't occur very often (in the appropriate context that I'm referring to) in reality - but could it? 

I'm leaning on the 'it could' and possibly even the 'it should'.  Because I would want to be able to celebrate the inner beauty that God has manifested in each one of us - without the taintedness that comes from the putting on of the 'cover'.