The foundation of true friendship

I was thinking the other day about what REALLY makes a friendship.  Unfortunately for me, I've had 'friends' that weren't really friends who at the first sign of 'heat' fled.  This generated pain - on all sides.

So, with the hopes of avoiding this in the future I have taken a step back to re-evaluate the whole thing logically.  Or at least according to my fallible logic.

As usual, I started a list.  Started writing down notes/thoughts about things.

I had a pretty decent list going and then started considering what was absolutely necessary at the very foundation.  And my list got pretty short; only 4 things:

Connection

Time

Genuineness

Unselfishness

CONNECTION:

As I think on this and consider my life experiences, I see this 'connection' as being like the spark for a friendship.  It's that thing that happens that generates a positive energy when interaction takes place.  It is a mysterious, joy-producing phenomenon that I walk away from thinking something like, 'I really like her/him.' 

It seems to me that this connection is random and I can't necessarily guess if a true connection will occur with another person until it actually happens.   Just because I have common interests with another person, or spend time with them, or if they are genuine doesn't mean this connection is a given.  So, God surprises me with these gifts - connections - with others; they are a marvel and amazing.

These people that I feel a connection with seem to remain in a cherished place in my heart no matter the space or time between us.

TIME:

To sincerely build relationship, time together is required.  Time to walk and talk of life and interesting things together.  Time to grow in understanding of personalities and backgrounds, strengths, weaknesses.  Time for tests of the genuineness of the friendship.  Time to build trust and understanding.  Time to share experiences and learn from each other.  Time to know each other and have a love for who each other really is.  Yep, time is required.

GENUINENESS:

To be involved in someone else's life requires true, genuine displays of what is real in the heart, mind and soul.  To live in the midst of friendship, it is absolutely essential to be REAL - no play acting a part.  This is what the foundation is built on and it cannot be anything but solid reality.

Yes, gentleness, kindness, patience, and tact are also important but for a relationship to flourish, it must stand on genuineness (both inside and out).  You can't put on a face with a real friend.

UNSELFISHNESS:

Mutual building up of one another based on unselfish kindness and true care for each other!  Much of the time this happens as a natural out-pouring of what already exists in the character of a person, but sometimes you become involved with someone that, quite honestly, can't move beyond self.  A true friendship cannot survive selfishness.

That's it.

Am I right?  Am I missing anything?  At the core that is.  I do realize other attributes of friendship result as the above play out... but did I miss anything foundational?

Just musing and trying to figure life out... in an effort to not have perpetual poop on my shoes.

Sh** Happens (Literally)

The funniest thing happened the other day... remember that post about stepping in the dog poop??  It appears that God has granted us an application object lesson!  And so soon!  He's like that.

Ok, so I'm out watering my garden, hose in hand making sure I don't drag it over any plants.  My Hubbie (MH), who is one to 'inspect' the garden by circling the perimeter, starts his route while I'm watering. 

Now, most of the time I'm a barefoot gardener because I don't like getting my shoes all dirty and I can just wash my feet.  MH, on the other hand, hardly ever goes without shoes.  Well, today I was wearing shoes and poor MH was barefoot.

Can you imagine where I'm going with this?

We're chit-chatting about the status of the garden when all of the sudden MH does a quick little 2-step with a cry of alarm, "IS THAT DOG POOP?"  I give a glance and give him a smiling, "Yep, sure is!"

Now, I find this humerous because MH is usually VERY cautious about where he's walking, plus he's not wearing shoes.  At this point, I'm expecting a little ranting and raving about his unfortunate accident, but he doesn't and simply continues his route.  Hmmm?

So, I've got the hose thing going on and I'm admiring the look of my garden, thinking how I'm enjoying the pretty row of zinnias that I've planted and assessing the size of various plants and whether I need to put in more seeds of this or that... and I'm being careful about where I haul that hose... and concentrating on getting just the right amount of water in just the right spots...

AND, I go tromping right through the same poop pile that MH just did!  I was in my 'garden world' la la land and didn't even realize I'd stepped in it until MH came back around and pointed it out to me.

Just to make this clear and point out my stupidity; I had just watched MH step in this doo and knew exactly where it was.

I start thinking back on my previous poop-related post and wonder about God's sense of humor in bringing more spiritual insight via this topic!

I'm thinking about how well MH took the whole incident when he confides that he didn't actually step down on it but was able to hop over it.  I, on the other hand, scuffed around in it, la la la la without even knowing it. 

What does all this mean God?

As much as I hate to admit it... MH is definately more skilled with his steps than I am.  He is naturally better at carefully trodding so as not to step in the poop (and I'm talking about in the spiritual sense).  There is an intrinsic sense built in to his giftings that enable him to 'walk carefully'.  And he helps the rest of us steer clear as well.  Most of the time this is revealled as 'wisdom', sometimes gut instinct, sometimes paranoa!

And MH usually is good at minimizing the misstep... I guess I need to realize my ease of distractedness that allows me to glide right in to the spot that he's just warned me about ...and step all over it.

I do resolve to pay better attention to his protective 'wisdom' and hopefully that will mean less crap on my shoes!

How do you look at life?

Life spits out sad things among the happy, hard things among the easy, hurt among the smiles.

Is this surprising?  In ourselves, don't we dish out the same?  We love and hurt.  We make others happy and sad.  We can be mean and selfish and merciful and comforting.  Being on the receiving end of life's handouts is no different than being on the receiving end of people's handouts.

So, what's the trick?  How can we learn to live this type of 'pinball-like' existence that showers us with oxymoronic expressions in a way that is productive, happy and joyful?

Is there any logic that we can use to sort this out? 

What if we just concentrate on the good aspects and shove the other things into oblivion?  Has anyone been able to accomplish this?  If so, please, please enlighten me with that secret.  I've tried, but the beast just doesn't stay in oblivion.

Being a person whose primary love language is quality time, I tend to lean (currently, at least) on the whole, 'quality time is more important than quantity time' thing.  What I mean by that is if we invest ourselves into soaking up the benefits of the positive times and try not to dwell on the bad might be a good option.

OR

Maybe, being careful to try to benefit from both good and bad and focus on the 'how can I learn from this?' and not on how it made me 'feel'.

OR

Repress, repress............EXPLODE!

I know from experience about that one!  It doesn't work.

I do think that it's vital to be real - genuine.  Now, I realize that being real can sometimes be tricky when it comes to irriatating people but we'll save that for another post. 

Being honest and genuine to yourself is a MUST.  Being OPEN to hear from God is the biggest MUST.  Cuz, let's face it, we don't always see right.  Sometimes, He has to rip open the shutters for us.

I do think the answer is the ever elusive BALANCE!  We cannot, and honestly, must not ignore the difficulties; we must embrace them and allow them to work their unique 'magic' in our lives.  We must also welcome in the blessings of life with appreication making the most of them as well.  And of course finding peace in His arms through all.

PS  This is easier said then done!

Watch Your Step

While on an afternoon walk today, I cautioned my daughter, "You better watch where you step, you might step in some dog poop."

Daughter #2, who was walking along as well, piped up and assured me, "That's why God gave us eyes, mom."

Hmmm?  My brain started considering this thought - God gave us eyes to see so that we wouldn't step in some poop.... hmmmm?  Is there something to this?

Stepping in poop ranks up there with other high ranking unpleasantries.  It stinks, it's smooshy, it's grose in every way.  Sometimes, even after a thorough washing, the smell lingers on.  Yuk.

Maybe God did give us eyes to help protect us from this kind of misstep.  Perhaps, we could broaden our ideas of what other things in our lives we can 'step in' that have 'similar' consequences of the spiritual kind.

Things like maybe, stepping in someone's lies, stepping in someone's hypocrisy, stepping in someone's emotional vomit, stepping in someone's manipulation or selfish ambition or self-righteousness or 'strong leadership'... (I'm sure you can insert many other nasty smelling poo - and of course the worst and most frequently stepped in is our own!)

Perhaps, our spiritual 'eyes', are meant to reveal these poop bombs before we step into them.  Perhaps, we should OPEN them up so that we can see with the eyes of enlightenment given by the Holy Spirit so that we would be saved from these tragic missteps.

Cuz, quite honestly, the smell from these types of spiritual missteps cling to us for unsavory long periods of time.  Yep, they stink us up alright.

And the tragic of the tragic is when we can no longer smell the stink of ourselves and start believing that we don't stink at all and then we actually dwell in the poop thinking that it smells lovely and are deceived into believing that others applaud us for our fragrance!

Oh, this sounds silly, but think about it.